Have you ever struggled with body image? You know, you’re out shopping and that outfit looks so cute on the hanger so you go try it on and you look like the Pillsbury dough girl trying to wear spandex. I stood in front of the mirror sobbing, wishing I could be skinnier and prettier.
I struggled with that my whole life. As a teenager I was a size 14 in a sea of size 8’s. I felt fat and ugly and not worthy of attention. Even to the point that I would bring a bottle of Ipicac Syrup home, sneak down into my bedroom, pour it into a cup and drink it down to make myself throw up.
I was desparate to be thin. All I saw was my flaws.
I used to tell people that God made me from all the spare parts he had laying around because my lower half was much bigger than my upper half and I had cankles, no ankles just your calf connecting to you foot.
All the years of yo-yo dieting and exercise left me exhausted and hungry. I just had to learn to accept who I was even though I wasn’t happy. After I started having kids, at least then, I was able to use an excuse. “my hips are so big because I’ve got kids” or “these are good birthing hips” I know I joked about it but inside I felt worthless. I didn’t fit into that mold of what I thought I should look like.
More importantly I didn’t see how god could use me as I was. I prayed that God would change me so I could be noticed.
Well he did and now I have something bigger than even most woman would ever face.
As a result of my auto accident I had my lower right leg amputated! That was a hard reality for me to face. I was 29 supposed to be in the prime of life. Yet, here I was missing my foot!
And it’s not very pretty. Sexy is out of the question. But I was forced to get over my self image issues because if I dwelled on my imperfection I would have completely shut down. And it was while I began sharing my story of my leg that I could see that God could still use me, even like this. And although I know that I am different I began to see how God loved me and I understood that I am beautifully and wonderfully made. God doesn’t need perfection to achieve his purpose. He needs me just the way that I am.
Romans 12:1 says; Therefore, I urge you in view of God’s mercy, offer your bodies as living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to god. This is your spiritual act of worship.
Notice he didn’t say offer yourself only if you are a size 2, or if your nose is perfectly straight or your complexion is clear.
He just said offer yourself. Who you are right now is holy and pleasing to God. He even considers it worship. He feels honored when you give yourself to him! Isn’t that amazing!
God’s not into extreme makeover for your body as he is into extreme makeover for your soul. He did that in me because I let go of what the world said I had to look like and quit comparing myself to the Hollywood movie stars. I renewed my thinking and began to see myself as God sees me.
The next verse is Romans 12:2 and says; To not conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to accept his will. His good pleasing and perfect will.
I love the end of this verse because I may not be perfect but his will is. My prosthetist once told me “you were born to be an amputee” I just said “ well, God knew I would be I’m glad he was planning ahead” And I meant it. He designed me with intimate detail and with great care and planning. He knew I would lose my leg before I was born. He knows every curve in my body and every misshapen part and loves me anyway.
Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t love us based on how we fix our hair or what clothes we wear or what we smell like. He loves us because we are a unique creation of his own design. You are unique and precious in God’s eyes. So why not offer ourselves as a living sacrifice to him
I challenge you to get over yourself, like I had to get over myself, and allow God to fill your life with purpose and passion. Know that God has a plan for you. And that plan is good, pleasing and perfect.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Take the next step
Recently I went to Las Vegas for a business conference. It was my first time in Las Vegas so during a break between sessions a group of us decided to walk the "strip". Visiting Vegas is probably one of the last places I cared to visit because I don't gamble and I had all kinds of preconceived ideas of what "sin city" would be like. But I do enjoy architecture and was fascinated by how enormous and detailed the buildings were. I was looking forward to the walk with camera slung around my neck in typical tourist fashion.
Now apparently, it never rains in Las Vegas but that morning it did. So all the smooth shiny sidewalks were slippery and a disaster waiting to happen for someone not stable on their feet. That someone was me. Down I fell. My prosthetic foot had no feeling, so naturally, I couldn't tell how slippery the sidewalk was until I committed to the step. Once my body weight was all resting on my stiff metal foot, I had no chance for correction and into the puddle I went! I some how managed to save my camera as I fell but not my nice dress pants. I was soaked and slightly soar but my pride was hurt most of all. The other girls rushed to my side and offered to help. But I got back up as quickly as I could and laughed it off. I kept on walking only to have the whole thing happen again a few feet away.
So down I went again. Not just once, nor twice but three times I fell on the busy, slick sidewalk. I could only imagine what everyone was thinking as I slowly put one foot in front of the other strategically taking each move, all the while looking like I had wet myself. I'm thankful I was not hurt during each fall and that I never dropped my camera, but my pride was another thing.
I felt singled out. Not like everyone else and for the simplest of things, I couldn't keep from falling. I threw a mental pity party "oh, how pitiful I am being an amputee. I will never be like everyone else who can be confident in every step they take. Why does life always have to be harder for me." I felt like crying or at least catching the nearest cab back to my hotel room to hide away. But as everyone around me was carrying on and enjoying their day I realized that I was the only one at my pity party. So I had to make a choice. I could stay on the ground and sulk or I could get up and enjoy the rest of our journey. I opted to keep going. I saw alot of great buildings and took lots of pictures. I had fun after all.
It would have been easy to give myself the excuse to give up and go back but I would have missed out on so much. Many "falls" in life seem to end up the same way. Rather than getting caught up in the situation and comparing ourselves to others we just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and stay focused on enjoying MY journey. Making that decision doesn't always come naturally. I remember many times when I did stay in self pity while jealously and bitterness grew. There is nothing good that comes from that so I knew it was best to leave the self pity alone entirely.
Then I heard a great quote that changed my whole way of thinking. I believe it was Tom Barrett who said "It's not about the fall but what you do when you are down that counts." That meant so much to me because all the time I had been focusing on "poor me" and my circumstances, I was missing out on all the positive things that could come from them. I had to change my focus. Trails may come and we may fall down but we do have the choice to get back up. We can learn from it and move on. If we trust in God to help us we can persevere through some pretty tough stuff. It's helpful to remember that God doesn't promise there wont be any hard times but he does promise we don't have to face them alone. Our journey may be tough at times and we may even feel like we are given more than our fair share of troubles but be confident that no matter how many falls you take, God is with you every step of the way and will help you get back up.
Everyone's journey is different. No one travels the same road because we are free to make our own decisions that may change our direction. And sometimes our journey is different because God knows what we need to help us trust in him. He uses our trials to help us grow a little bit wiser and more dependant on him. I can think of many occasions when at the end of the trial I was able to look inside myself and see how I matured as a christian and how deeper my relationship with God had gotten. And I praise him for it even though those tough times leave me emotionally and sometimes physically bruised. It was all worth it to have a deeper walk with God.
There are even times when we face trials because God knows what our response will be and he knows that people are watching. Each time I fell, it was very public. People around were watching to see what I would do. And each time I got back up they were grateful for my attitude. When we got back to the hotel, I overheard several of them telling others about my perseverance and determination to not give up. Although, I had fallen they were able to be inspired. We may not always know if people are seeing the troubles we face but they can see our reaction to it by the attitude we take. That's why it's important to cast all your cares upon God and allow him to guide you through. Again taking the focus off yourself and even your circumstances and on to God and the everlasting peace only he can provide. I can't know for sure where my journey will take me but I do believe that he has many blessing waiting to happen if I keep taking steps forward in faith. The same is true for you!
So if you have fallen down in life. Don't sit in the puddle and cry. Get back up brush away the fear and frustration. Look up in faith and take the next step.
Now apparently, it never rains in Las Vegas but that morning it did. So all the smooth shiny sidewalks were slippery and a disaster waiting to happen for someone not stable on their feet. That someone was me. Down I fell. My prosthetic foot had no feeling, so naturally, I couldn't tell how slippery the sidewalk was until I committed to the step. Once my body weight was all resting on my stiff metal foot, I had no chance for correction and into the puddle I went! I some how managed to save my camera as I fell but not my nice dress pants. I was soaked and slightly soar but my pride was hurt most of all. The other girls rushed to my side and offered to help. But I got back up as quickly as I could and laughed it off. I kept on walking only to have the whole thing happen again a few feet away.
So down I went again. Not just once, nor twice but three times I fell on the busy, slick sidewalk. I could only imagine what everyone was thinking as I slowly put one foot in front of the other strategically taking each move, all the while looking like I had wet myself. I'm thankful I was not hurt during each fall and that I never dropped my camera, but my pride was another thing.
I felt singled out. Not like everyone else and for the simplest of things, I couldn't keep from falling. I threw a mental pity party "oh, how pitiful I am being an amputee. I will never be like everyone else who can be confident in every step they take. Why does life always have to be harder for me." I felt like crying or at least catching the nearest cab back to my hotel room to hide away. But as everyone around me was carrying on and enjoying their day I realized that I was the only one at my pity party. So I had to make a choice. I could stay on the ground and sulk or I could get up and enjoy the rest of our journey. I opted to keep going. I saw alot of great buildings and took lots of pictures. I had fun after all.
It would have been easy to give myself the excuse to give up and go back but I would have missed out on so much. Many "falls" in life seem to end up the same way. Rather than getting caught up in the situation and comparing ourselves to others we just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and stay focused on enjoying MY journey. Making that decision doesn't always come naturally. I remember many times when I did stay in self pity while jealously and bitterness grew. There is nothing good that comes from that so I knew it was best to leave the self pity alone entirely.
Then I heard a great quote that changed my whole way of thinking. I believe it was Tom Barrett who said "It's not about the fall but what you do when you are down that counts." That meant so much to me because all the time I had been focusing on "poor me" and my circumstances, I was missing out on all the positive things that could come from them. I had to change my focus. Trails may come and we may fall down but we do have the choice to get back up. We can learn from it and move on. If we trust in God to help us we can persevere through some pretty tough stuff. It's helpful to remember that God doesn't promise there wont be any hard times but he does promise we don't have to face them alone. Our journey may be tough at times and we may even feel like we are given more than our fair share of troubles but be confident that no matter how many falls you take, God is with you every step of the way and will help you get back up.
Everyone's journey is different. No one travels the same road because we are free to make our own decisions that may change our direction. And sometimes our journey is different because God knows what we need to help us trust in him. He uses our trials to help us grow a little bit wiser and more dependant on him. I can think of many occasions when at the end of the trial I was able to look inside myself and see how I matured as a christian and how deeper my relationship with God had gotten. And I praise him for it even though those tough times leave me emotionally and sometimes physically bruised. It was all worth it to have a deeper walk with God.
There are even times when we face trials because God knows what our response will be and he knows that people are watching. Each time I fell, it was very public. People around were watching to see what I would do. And each time I got back up they were grateful for my attitude. When we got back to the hotel, I overheard several of them telling others about my perseverance and determination to not give up. Although, I had fallen they were able to be inspired. We may not always know if people are seeing the troubles we face but they can see our reaction to it by the attitude we take. That's why it's important to cast all your cares upon God and allow him to guide you through. Again taking the focus off yourself and even your circumstances and on to God and the everlasting peace only he can provide. I can't know for sure where my journey will take me but I do believe that he has many blessing waiting to happen if I keep taking steps forward in faith. The same is true for you!
So if you have fallen down in life. Don't sit in the puddle and cry. Get back up brush away the fear and frustration. Look up in faith and take the next step.
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